tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
