Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
