I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
