I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
