I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
