pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
