The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
BRING THE BAGELS
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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