getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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