I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
