I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
