im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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