I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
