She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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