You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
