my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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