Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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