From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
