I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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