I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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