moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he thought i was a dude.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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