I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
