her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
