I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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