not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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