can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
