He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
