Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
