you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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