Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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