Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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