grinding to god bless the USA? really?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone