So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he was CRYING into my vagina
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
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I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
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I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS