he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dating After Heartbreak
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.