Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing