I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
