In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
