there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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