sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
