i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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