I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
