About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
