Where is the hickey?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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