does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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