if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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