why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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