Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
