You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
