the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
