I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
