remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
someone owes me an orgasm
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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