Cold hands, warm shart.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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