why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
