guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
