Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
