i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
