walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
