What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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