their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
