there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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