I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
