I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
