Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
