He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
