It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
