im holly from the hills drunk
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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