Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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