Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
