cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
