Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
