hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
