Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
