i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
