They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
