this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
