My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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