i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
